Herald Diary: Prince Charming and the Wellington Boots

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Years ago, reader Colin Hunt worked in an Aberdeen shoe store where a farmer and his wife arrived from nearby farmland.

The farmer was a sturdy man with a long, sparse beard. As he got older, he remained a burly guy who could easily balance a combine harvester on his little finger. (We exaggerate, but just a little.)

Turns out he was looking for wellington boots. Clinging to a pair, this one-man Viking deity turned to his wife approvingly and said, “Nice and well-fitting. I feel like Cinderella trying on this little glass slipper.

move it

WE are talking about effortless Halloween costumes. Robert Marshall suggests that if you’re a couple, arrive at the fancy dress party wearing your everyday clothes. However, when you reach the front door of the mansion where the shindig takes place, be sure to walk past everyone else trying to enter.

“So announce,” Robert said, “that you came as Holly and Phil.”

Collection

THE Diary reflects on what Scotland should name its currency if we become an independent nation. A previous suggestion was the Tillicoultry because it’s near Stirling. (Stirling/Sterling. Gerrit?)

David Donaldson scoffs at this, saying it doesn’t exactly come off the tongue.

He points out that there is another town just 12 miles from Stirling with a more appropriate name.

Our new currency should therefore be called… the dollar.

(Hmmm. We’re not sure about that. Seems an unlikely name for money.)

Looping language

PUGNACIOUSLY-PEDANTIC Laura McCormick gets in touch to point out, “When you say you take the bus, it actually takes you.”

Apple not applicable

FORMER Larkhall GP John Wilson notes that family medicine has come a long way. He suggests that the catchy old adage “an apple a day keeps the doctor away” should now be updated to become a little less catchy “eating one of your five a day reduces the need for an online consultation”.

Foot flop

YOU know you’re in big trouble when your name becomes a source of frivolity for football fans. So it seems a certain former resident of Paisley has even more reason to be nervous about her future, as reader Foster Evans informs us that Kilmarnock diehards were recently heard singing at the top of their lungs at the St Mirren devotees: “Liz Truss, she’s one of you…”

Costly mistake

A DIARY story about confusion in the classroom inspires Katherine Phillips to shamefully admit, “I always assumed the load on the light brigade was an electric bill.


Learn more about the newspaper: Painting an unhappy picture


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