Girl wrote ‘I hate my life’ in her diary and planned to kill herself 21 times after she was ‘raped by an Ealing man’

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A young girl claims she planned to kill herself 21 times after she was allegedly raped and sexually abused on multiple occasions. The alleged victim wrote several journal entries, including “I feel worthless, I just want to fly away, I don’t deserve this,” a court heard. Jurors at Isleworth Crown Court were shown diary entries today (Monday February 28), where the victim wrote that she was being abused and felt suicidal.

Mohammed Shahalam, 33, from Ealing, has denied 23 charges of sexual abuse involving minors. He is accused of attempting to engage in sexual activity with two young girls, including forcing them to watch pornography and simulating sex.

The court heard the abuse allegedly began in November 2018, after Shahalam sat down next to one of the girls and began touching her inappropriately. Other instances of abuse include forcing her to watch internet pornography and raping her on one occasion using “significant force”.

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Prosecutor Richard Burrington said: ‘Given her age, she was clearly unable to consent to this. She couldn’t stop him. Afterwards, he told her to “keep it to herself” and continued to sexually abuse her by “groping her under his clothes”.

The court heard how, after returning to school in March 2021, the girl eventually handed an anonymous note to a teacher saying she was being abused. The police were contacted and Shahalam was subsequently arrested.

During the police investigation, his diaries were discovered, containing a number of disturbing entries. In one, she wrote, “I can’t take this, someone help me. I have been assaulted or sexually abused for two and a half years. Don’t involve the police, I just need help, I don’t want my teachers or anyone to know. I am assaulted.

In a note apparently to herself, she also wrote: “I guess I’m worthless, I planned my death for the 21st time because I don’t deserve to be in this world. I feel worthless, I just want to fly away, I don’t deserve this. Mr Burrington described the diary entries as a ‘call for help’ and reflected his ‘sense of isolation’.

Shahalam is also accused of sexually abusing another young girl. He allegedly enticed or incited her to engage in sexual activity by “touching and squeezing” her breasts and forcing her to engage in sexual activity.



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Mr Burrington told the court Shahalam ‘sexually attacked’ the two children and they felt ‘trapped’ by his advances. At the start of the trial, the defendant dismissed his lawyer and insisted on representing himself.

He denied 23 counts of inducing or inciting a child to engage in sexual activity, attempting to make a child watch a sexual act, penetrative assault of a minor, having sexually assaulted a child at least 12 times and raped a child under 13.

The trial continues.

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